are interesting things. Who is important to you? Who makes it clear that you are important to them? Who constantly calls/texts/e-mails/facebooks you to see how you are doing? Who do you constantly call/text/e-mail/facebook to see how they are doing? And then, who doesn’t? Is it those who you would expect to be the most interested in your life? In your husband’s life? In your daughter’s life? Is it those that live the closest, but call the least?
I’ve been thinking about priorities a lot lately. I suppose it’s a good thing to think about. Over the years, I can think of quite a few people who have made me a priority in their lives. My grandparents have, more so than most others. And since I’ve gotten married and had a baby, I haven’t moved down on the priority list. On the contrary, I’ve moved up (in essence) as I now have three people (Josh, Kaelyn, and me) who are all a unit, and remain a big priority. My grandparents went to Georgia for 8 weeks for my Grandpa to receive prostate cancer treatment. We texted and talked while they were away. When they drove back -ALL THE WAY from Georgia- after 8 weeks of radiation therapy, which I’m sure was as emotionally stressful as it was physically, they stopped on the way home. What for, you ask? To see Josh, Kaelyn, and me. I’m sure they were tired, I’m sure they wanted to get home and sleep in their own beds for the first time in 8 weeks, but they made one last stop, waited for Josh to get off work an hour later, and took us out to dinner. They talked to us, shared stories, and asked for us to fill them in on all we had done while they were away. Then, they drove the last hour and a half back to their house to sleep in their own beds, for the first time in 8 weeks.
Kaelyn and I were both sick last week. I received a few “get well soon!” and “hope you feel better!” comments on facebook, but other than that I was forgotten. Not that I minded, at all, I mean I just had bronchitis, nothing major. Nonetheless, two people were concerned. I received a phone call, from my worried grandmother with her self-diagnosis book, encouraging me to go to the doctor’s office. We decided together that I didn’t need to, and then I got a phone call, or a text message, everyday until I told her I was back to normal. Actually, it was about twice every day for the first couple of days. One of these phone calls was accompanied by the message, “We’re coming to bring you soup!” An hour and a half drive to bring me soup, talk for a bit, and drive an hour and a half back home. I’d say I’m a priority. :)
I realize my grandparents are amazing, and their behavior towards me is rather unheard of, as far as grandparents go. I’m blessed, beyond belief. Always have been, and always will be. Ever since I was assigned a narrative essay (in 6th grade) in which I had to describe my hero, I’ve known my Grandpa is pretty freaking awesome. And my Grandma is pretty freaking awesome herself.
I also have an aunt, my mom’s sister, who has made it clear that we are a priority. She doesn’t drive hours on end to bring me soup or have dinner, but she does little things. She calls and texts just to see how Kaelyn and I are doing. She asks for pictures, and I can tell she is really interested. Every holiday, since Kaelyn was born, we have received a card in the mail; actually, Kaelyn has. A card came for baby’s first Valentine’s Day, for baby’s first Thanksgiving, and for everything in between. Additionally, we received a happy first Mother’s Day card as well as a happy first Father’s Day card. Kaelyn and I weren’t home for Father’s Day as we went to Idaho to help my brother get our newborn half-sister. It was sad being away, but it was necessary. The thing that made it even more sad? Josh spent Father’s Day with quite a bit of family. Yet, he received one card; the one from my aunt. He’s a guy so he didn’t make a big deal out of it, but the fact that he brought it up to me when I got home let me know that he noticed no one had recognized him on this big “first” day; no one except my aunt Rachel. I’d say we’re priorities. :)
I suppose I expanded on that a bit much. But what can I say? I love and appreciate my family more than you could possibly know. Anyways, on to the point of the post. I find it entirely dumbfounding that certain individuals, especially those who you would expect to have a vested interested in the life of your family, seem to place you so low on the priority list. Or rather, at the very bottom. It doesn’t bother me personally as I love and cherish those who do take an interest in our lives, but it bothers me for Kaelyn’s sake. It’s rather unfortunate when those who should be the most interested in a child’s life end up being the least. It makes me sad for her. I suppose I should be happy that she has my grandparents to compensate, but it’s still not the same.
Also, I find it even more surprising when those individuals expect you to accommodate their desires, and get frustrated and give guilt trips when you don’t. My thoughts? It is obvious that me, my daughter, and my husband are not priorities to you. Why should we go out of our way to make you priorities to us? We should not, and we won’t. That’s the interesting thing about priorities; they are reciprocal. When certain individuals are a priority in your life, but do not make you a priority in their lives, it doesn’t work. Eventually, one must put forth the extra effort, or the other will stop putting forth any effort at all. It’s kind of sad that individuals I have never met in person -Jamie Wheaton, Sarah Schroder, Christina Bohlman, Belle Fee, and many others- are more interested in my life, and my daughter’s life than our own family. As a matter of fact, it’s really sad, and I’m really sick of it. So, we will slowly weed out those to whom we are not priorities.
I’m not asking for perfection. I’m not asking to wake up to a text every morning and fall asleep to a text every night. I’m not asking for anyone to drive an hour and a half to see us. I’m not asking for a card at every holiday. All I’m asking for is a little interest. A teeny, tiny little gesture that shows we are more important to you than some random hobo on the side of the road.
I’m not concerned with the title of a relationship, nor have I ever been. My “dad” is referred to as “sperm donor,” or by his first name, if I’m feeling extra kind. Blood does not make a father; it does not make a mother, it does not make an aunt, it does not make an uncle, it does not make a grandma, it does not make a grandpa, and it certainly does not make a great grandma or great grandpa. Showing an interest in the life of your daughter, niece, granddaughter, or great granddaughter is what it is important. Being genuinely interested and making her a priority is significant, nothing else. So I don’t care what title genes have given you, if we are not a priority to you, you are certainly not a priority to us.
